A year ago today, I had my last meaningful conversation with my grandfather. He was diagnosed with pancreas cancer in April and died June 26th, 2008. I remember it like it was yesterday, it's crazy how time flies. We knew he didn't have much time left so I took a train and bus up to Huntsville to just be there for my grandmother, incase she needed anything. I arrived at 11pm, 3hrs before we got the call into the hospital, "We don't think he'll make it until morning, you better come in now". My grandmother and I sat there together, holding each other and his hands until he went to be with the Lord, 15 hours later.
Today is my grandmothers birthday, last year on her birthday my mom and I came to visit as well. My grandfather was only able to get out of bed once that whole weekend, when we sang to her with a cake. That afternoon, while my mom and grandma were out, I laid beside my grandfather on his bed and we had a really meaningful conversation, one that I'll never forget and really remembered today, one year later. I actually wrote about it that night. My grandmother later asked me if I would speak at his funeral, it was an honour, and I shared with a church full of people the words he spoke to me in that last conversation.
I just found my first draft of the notes I wrote, in preparation for the funeral, and copied them below. As I celebrated my grandmother today I also remembered my grandfather and his words of wisdom he shared with me, in preparation of his death, exactly one year ago.
3 things Grandpa taught me in his last days:
...On grandma's birthday, I spent the afternoon sitting on Grandpa’s bed with him while mom my and grandma went out. Although he was tiered and probably just wanted to sleep he still managed to speak for a good hour straight. It was in that conversation that I saw a whole other side of my grandfather and he really challenged me to think through a few things in my life. He challenged me to live my life to the fullest, love and know where I truly know where I stand before God. I want to share some of his last thoughts with you.
1. Live life to the fullest: Knowing that grandpa couldn’t do much one of the first things I asked him was if he watched a lot of TV, because I knew that he used to. I wondered how he spent his time. He said, “Daria, knowing that I only have 3 months left I really want to spend my time different”. He said he would rather read or have grandma read him meaningful books or spend quality time with Grandma. I went to bed that night thinking, am I living my life to the fullest? What if I only had 3 months, would I regret anything I’m doing or had wished I had done it different?
2. Love: I asked my grandpa if there was anything he could teach me from his life what would it be, he said LOVE. He told me that being sick has helped him see the importance of love. I think that through his sickness he experienced so much love from friends, his church community and family that he would have never expected. He said that it has also really helped him express love to others in far deeper and more meaningful ways.. 1 Corinthians 13 is a popular passage read at many weddings on what love is, “it’s patient, kind, not self seeking, not easily angered, always hopes, always trusts…etc.” but at the beginning of this chapter are very powerful words that grandpa started to quote to me. Eugene Peterson paraphrases it this way,
“If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."
It was a healing conversation. As most of you know, my grandfather had strong beliefs and convictions and was never afraid to share them. And for me being the sometimes arrogant student of theology for the past 8 years we’ve certainly had our differences and arguments. Grandpa reminded me that if we have not love we are nothing… and where there is truth there is always love.
3. Know where you stand before God: Last but not least, grandpa has such peace before he died. He knew where he stood before God and was thankful for the life he had. He was thankful for all the travelling he did, for the past 22 years he spent in Huntsville and as much as he experienced pain and I’m sure would still love to be alive and with us today he said to me, “Daria, who am I to ask God, the creator of the universe, why I am sick…. I know that he does everything for a reason and I just pray that he would be glorified through my life” He even joked with me about how he bought a brick on the golden streets he will soon be dancing on. He had hope in Christ and for the eternal life that he’s going to live in heaven. Grandpa wasn’t afraid to die because he was ready for eternity. John 3:16. says that “For God so loved the world that he Gave his only son and whoever believes in him will not parish but have eternal life”
To sum things up: don’t waste your time doing meaningless things, make the most out of everything that you do… Love people as though you’re living in your last days, because we never know how long we’ll have. And last but not least, know where you stand before God, because once that is figured out you will have no fear or regret in life.
AND, to all the grandparent out there, never underestimate the influence you have on your grandchildren.
